Forget blue states and red states. I live in a fat state.
So do most of you, according to a study released yesterday. In fact, every state in the nation except for Oregon, is getting fatter. (The study didn't include Hawaii, but if you've ever grazed at a pupu platter...well, you know the results). Mississippi is the fattest state, Colorado is the skinniest and 7 of the top 10 states are in the Southeast.
I live in the fattest state in the Midwest: Michigan. (We're tied for sixth with Texas, where I spend a lot of time on business.)
Hmmm. Suddenly, it's all coming together. I know what I must do: Move, or sue.
Frankly, moving isn't much of an option. I've got kids, an ex-wife who I share custody with, work, and a few friends here. I also like my house, my neighborhood and my previously noted affliction for late night Yesterdogs.
That leaves the litigation option, which actually could work. I mean, it's not unprecedented. A few years ago a doughy black guy tried suing a bunch of fast food joints for his girth issues. That strikes me as over-the-top. McDonald's is a corporation and we live in a free-market society. If you demand burgers, Mickey D's will supply them.
But a state is an entirely different matter. As citizens, we entrust our public officials to create a safe haven for us. And that starts at the top with the Governor.
Now, I'm not sure I could convince a jury to find fault with our current Governor, Jennifer Granholm, because she's pretty svelte and she's Canadian. Those people drink beer and eat bacon constantly, and nary a pound is gained.
But our previous Guv -- John Engler -- well, he was a bit of a doughy white guy himself. I met him a few times. Nice guy (and he did hang out with Canadians occasionaly), but the bottom line is that there has to be some accountability here. I packed on 70 pounds during his three terms! I'd love to put him on the (reinforced) stand and let the jury decide.
Anyone care to contribute to my legal defense fund? (DWG Weight: 232 lbs.)