Wednesday, August 24, 2005

It's my state's fault

Forget blue states and red states. I live in a fat state.

So do most of you, according to a study released yesterday. In fact, every state in the nation except for Oregon, is getting fatter. (The study didn't include Hawaii, but if you've ever grazed at a pupu platter...well, you know the results). Mississippi is the fattest state, Colorado is the skinniest and 7 of the top 10 states are in the Southeast.

I live in the fattest state in the Midwest: Michigan. (We're tied for sixth with Texas, where I spend a lot of time on business.)

Hmmm. Suddenly, it's all coming together. I know what I must do: Move, or sue.

Frankly, moving isn't much of an option. I've got kids, an ex-wife who I share custody with, work, and a few friends here. I also like my house, my neighborhood and my previously noted affliction for late night Yesterdogs.

That leaves the litigation option, which actually could work. I mean, it's not unprecedented. A few years ago a doughy black guy tried suing a bunch of fast food joints for his girth issues. That strikes me as over-the-top. McDonald's is a corporation and we live in a free-market society. If you demand burgers, Mickey D's will supply them.

But a state is an entirely different matter. As citizens, we entrust our public officials to create a safe haven for us. And that starts at the top with the Governor.

Now, I'm not sure I could convince a jury to find fault with our current Governor, Jennifer Granholm, because she's pretty svelte and she's Canadian. Those people drink beer and eat bacon constantly, and nary a pound is gained.

But our previous Guv -- John Engler -- well, he was a bit of a doughy white guy himself. I met him a few times. Nice guy (and he did hang out with Canadians occasionaly), but the bottom line is that there has to be some accountability here. I packed on 70 pounds during his three terms! I'd love to put him on the (reinforced) stand and let the jury decide.

Anyone care to contribute to my legal defense fund? (DWG Weight: 232 lbs.)

11 comments:

American Girl said...

Move to Arizona - we'll start our own "Biggest Loser" club and I'll personal trainer-ize those 15 pounds right off you!

Master of None said...

I knew there was a good reason why I moved away from Mississippi. I wonder how Georgia fared?

Ɯbermilf said...

Something about your blog has caused me to become more honest with myself. I don't know how or why, but you've helped me a great deal.

DR68 said...

Can't afford to donate, but reading between the lines here, I might consider moving to Arizona! I think we all know that American Girl is really hot after all us older guys;) (my winky face looks evil)

The DWG said...

DR58 - You do realize you used the prhase "winky face" right?

uber - you are the umlaut of my blog. How can I help you more?

Master - welcome. Georgia got fatter, too. It ranked 12th.

American Grl - Oh yeah. Alright. Take it easy. Make it last all night.

\ ang \ said...

I wonder if states with big cities are skinnier due to the massive loads of walking that is required to get from place to place?

American Girl said...

Hey! I just want to see you sweat!

DR68 said...

Okay, just for the record...Anything said/typed within (parenthesis)cannot be held against a person's masculinity(sp).

AND...read between the lines baby, between the lines....She wants to see you sweat, yeah baby!!

The DWG said...

DR, there is no need to read between the lines...her comment was "Hey! I want to see you sweat!" That was the lines themselves!

Uber: Send me an email, I have something for you.

Ang: Actually, obesity seems to be a problem in cities because of the so-called "urban grocery store gap" ...in other words: if there ain't a Whole Foods in your city hood, it's more likely that you'll just end up eating fast food and snacks from the corner Mini-Mart. So be careful. I know you just moved to Chi-town from Pa. -- we don't want you ballooning up on us.

DietKing said...

I read on Livin La Vida Low Carb that you're even funnier than me at depicting the struggles of everyday dieting--good stuff here.
Nice to meet you. I'll see you around.
Adam Wilk
author, 'Diet King'

Anonymous said...

What a great site
» » »