Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
5 pounds and 12 steps later
Well, I'm back. Reality: Things didn't turn out so well with my experiment. I ended up in rehab following what I thought to be a major breakthrough. About six days into the lab/field work, I decided to try significantly increasing my alcohol and frankfurter intake, which in turn created a peristaltic reaction and allowed me to evacuate my dietary matter. With my abdominal content vacated, I was able to redouble my intake in a very short manner of time. This worked great on Friday, but Saturday was a long day with the bars opening early and Yesterdog having the 4 a.m. close. I don't remember much after those last four cheddar dogs.
When they checked me in, I heard the doctor mumbling something about "alcohol-induced binging and purging" and an orderly snickering, "He's certainly no Mary Kate Olsen." There was some confusion as to what unit I should be on, and what meetings I should attend. In the end, I think they really wanted to keep me away from the teenage girls. So instead they put me in an addiction unit, despite my protestations that the drinking and eating was just an experiment.
I did manage, though, to learn some interesting things. For instance, the path I'm on to lose weight is a circle and it really doesn't matter where I start. Also, my relationships with my family of origin and my current family have contributed to my weight (well, duh). Finally, I can't lose this weight alone, but there is an HP that can help me. Frankly, I'm not sure what a printer is going to do, but I'll try anything at this point.
Anyway, as part of my return from the field, I underwent a full physical today. My weight is up, my chloresterol is down, my blood pressure is on the high side, and my prostate is "very small," according to my doctor. He also said I probably have sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing in my sleep, but that I can cure that by losing weight or by hooking up to a ventilator. I have to say the ventilator idea is kind of cool, and I think you can win one of those things by collecting the bonus points from packages of Malboros or Winstons.
Bottom line: I'm back at it and will be trying to remember enough details from the last two weeks to submit my diet study to the ADA Journal. (DWG Current Weight: 237 lbs.)
When they checked me in, I heard the doctor mumbling something about "alcohol-induced binging and purging" and an orderly snickering, "He's certainly no Mary Kate Olsen." There was some confusion as to what unit I should be on, and what meetings I should attend. In the end, I think they really wanted to keep me away from the teenage girls. So instead they put me in an addiction unit, despite my protestations that the drinking and eating was just an experiment.
I did manage, though, to learn some interesting things. For instance, the path I'm on to lose weight is a circle and it really doesn't matter where I start. Also, my relationships with my family of origin and my current family have contributed to my weight (well, duh). Finally, I can't lose this weight alone, but there is an HP that can help me. Frankly, I'm not sure what a printer is going to do, but I'll try anything at this point.
Anyway, as part of my return from the field, I underwent a full physical today. My weight is up, my chloresterol is down, my blood pressure is on the high side, and my prostate is "very small," according to my doctor. He also said I probably have sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing in my sleep, but that I can cure that by losing weight or by hooking up to a ventilator. I have to say the ventilator idea is kind of cool, and I think you can win one of those things by collecting the bonus points from packages of Malboros or Winstons.
Bottom line: I'm back at it and will be trying to remember enough details from the last two weeks to submit my diet study to the ADA Journal. (DWG Current Weight: 237 lbs.)
Saturday, January 13, 2007
DWG reports in from the lab
My doughy white dad guy reported in last night via email. His commitment to science is astonishing (that was a vocab word this week). Here's what he had to say:
"Son, I'm continuing to pursue the beer and hot dog diet. I cut out of work early today to go the tavern and drink beer. It's a long weekend and my thinking is that I should try to make the most of it in terms of consumption and exercise. I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos and drinking a Double Diamond at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. This is living. The only thing that concerns me is that there's only one other guy in the bar: another doughy white guy with a mullet who has had three Bud Lights in the time I've had one. Oh my, there was just a woman laying on a glass coffee table in lingerie, and the table collapsed underneath her. "That's a coffee table meant for lattes not hot-tays," the announcer just said. This stuff is hilarious.
"Anyway, son, I'm not sure this diet is making a difference. I'm still at 232 pounds - back where I was when I started. The good news in this, I guess, is that I can treat myself to a beer or three on a regular basis and not have to give up the blessed Yesterdogs...and it's not going to affect my weight. Hmmmm. On the other hand, maybe if I did give those up, I could get back on track. More to ponder.
"I miss you son. Take care of your sister, and I'll be in touch soon."
"Son, I'm continuing to pursue the beer and hot dog diet. I cut out of work early today to go the tavern and drink beer. It's a long weekend and my thinking is that I should try to make the most of it in terms of consumption and exercise. I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos and drinking a Double Diamond at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. This is living. The only thing that concerns me is that there's only one other guy in the bar: another doughy white guy with a mullet who has had three Bud Lights in the time I've had one. Oh my, there was just a woman laying on a glass coffee table in lingerie, and the table collapsed underneath her. "That's a coffee table meant for lattes not hot-tays," the announcer just said. This stuff is hilarious.
"Anyway, son, I'm not sure this diet is making a difference. I'm still at 232 pounds - back where I was when I started. The good news in this, I guess, is that I can treat myself to a beer or three on a regular basis and not have to give up the blessed Yesterdogs...and it's not going to affect my weight. Hmmmm. On the other hand, maybe if I did give those up, I could get back on track. More to ponder.
"I miss you son. Take care of your sister, and I'll be in touch soon."
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
DWG is MIA...still
Son of a doughy white guy here again. The old man called this afternoon. I was home eating chocolate chip cookies, Lays and drinking a Pepsi. I could barely hear him through the phone because it was very noisy wherever he was. I could hear someone grunting in the background and thought he might have been at the gym, but then the grunting turned into more of a hacking cough.
"Hey, son, I only have a few minutes," he said. "It's been a rough week and it's only Tuesday. Lots going on at work, and then I had a little tiff with the ex-wife and had some other things come up with the ex-business partner. I'm just feeling a bit run down, which sucks because I'm really trying to do this beer and hot dog diet. I have to admit, though, that I sat down last night to watch the Daily Show, and ended up munching on half-a-bag of Combos and then a brownie."
Through the phone, I could hear a voice in the background ask, "you wanna nother" and then my dad's beard scraped against the mouthpiece a couple of times.
"Anywho, son, the biggest bummer of all is that I ran the past three days and went to the gym twice. Well, I stepped on the scale today and my weight is back up to 232. It's a bummer. Not so much because I put on three pounds -- hey, it could be muscle -- but because I'm trying to do something for humanity here and it's a setback. But hey, that's science, right? Einstein flunked his college entrance exams. NASA had to scrap the early Apollo launches. And Marie Curie tried hundreds of times before she finally discovered radium. Of course, the exposure to radium did kill her eventually."
It was quiet for a few moments, and I thought I could hear him sipping something.
"Son, I've got to go. Lots to think about. I love you and I'll talk to you soon."
"Hey, son, I only have a few minutes," he said. "It's been a rough week and it's only Tuesday. Lots going on at work, and then I had a little tiff with the ex-wife and had some other things come up with the ex-business partner. I'm just feeling a bit run down, which sucks because I'm really trying to do this beer and hot dog diet. I have to admit, though, that I sat down last night to watch the Daily Show, and ended up munching on half-a-bag of Combos and then a brownie."
Through the phone, I could hear a voice in the background ask, "you wanna nother" and then my dad's beard scraped against the mouthpiece a couple of times.
"Anywho, son, the biggest bummer of all is that I ran the past three days and went to the gym twice. Well, I stepped on the scale today and my weight is back up to 232. It's a bummer. Not so much because I put on three pounds -- hey, it could be muscle -- but because I'm trying to do something for humanity here and it's a setback. But hey, that's science, right? Einstein flunked his college entrance exams. NASA had to scrap the early Apollo launches. And Marie Curie tried hundreds of times before she finally discovered radium. Of course, the exposure to radium did kill her eventually."
It was quiet for a few moments, and I thought I could hear him sipping something.
"Son, I've got to go. Lots to think about. I love you and I'll talk to you soon."
Sunday, January 07, 2007
DWG is MIA
This is the son of the Doughy White Guy. (And no, my nickname is not the Dough Boy...I am 5'3" and 102 pounds). Anyway, I'm writing about my dad, because he's gone away for a while. He sent me an email that said the following:
"Son, I am going to be gone for a while. As you know, I've been trying to lose weight and get healthy so I can be around for you and your sister. I've been going to the gym and eating granola, yogurt and berries for almost a year. I've managed to lose about 15 pounds, but the last couple months I've been stuck at the same weight. Then this week, I did something different and lost about 3 pounds. So I had to ask myself: What did I do different?
After thinking about it for a while, I remembered that I went out three nights this week to the Pickwick Pub and drank beer with friends. I won't say how many actual beers, but I will say I consumed about 3,000 calories. To top it off, I stopped by Yesterdog on the way home and had a couple of chilli dogs each night.
Well, I was feeling pretty badly about myself Saturday morning, so I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for about 30 minutes, then lifted weights. I must have worked really hard, because I thought I was going to puke the whole time. I drank lots of water and when I was done, I walked over to the scale and stepped on it. My weight: 229 pounds. I double-checked because I had weighed in at 232 a few days earlier. Sure enough, I was down three pounds.
Well, son, it was a revelation. After all these months of working out and eating well, I'm finally losing big weight in no time by consuming beer and hot dogs (and going to the gym). It's a bit unconventional, I know, and there is no science to back it up. But I am willing to be the proverbial "lab rat" on this new theory. It could be my one contribution to humanity.
So starting today, I'm going to be devoting my time to the bar, the dog place and the gym. I'm going to push myself and expand my capacity for each. I've set a high bar: By Sept. 15, I want to be able to bench press 250, run a 5K in 25 minutes, drink a twelve-pack and polish off a Three Dog night. If I can do this, I believe I'll be down to 200 pounds in no time.
I've got my work cut out for me, but I believe I'm up to the task. It will be lonely, hard work and I'll miss you. Remember, I'm doing all this for you. Love, Dad."
"Son, I am going to be gone for a while. As you know, I've been trying to lose weight and get healthy so I can be around for you and your sister. I've been going to the gym and eating granola, yogurt and berries for almost a year. I've managed to lose about 15 pounds, but the last couple months I've been stuck at the same weight. Then this week, I did something different and lost about 3 pounds. So I had to ask myself: What did I do different?
After thinking about it for a while, I remembered that I went out three nights this week to the Pickwick Pub and drank beer with friends. I won't say how many actual beers, but I will say I consumed about 3,000 calories. To top it off, I stopped by Yesterdog on the way home and had a couple of chilli dogs each night.
Well, I was feeling pretty badly about myself Saturday morning, so I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for about 30 minutes, then lifted weights. I must have worked really hard, because I thought I was going to puke the whole time. I drank lots of water and when I was done, I walked over to the scale and stepped on it. My weight: 229 pounds. I double-checked because I had weighed in at 232 a few days earlier. Sure enough, I was down three pounds.
Well, son, it was a revelation. After all these months of working out and eating well, I'm finally losing big weight in no time by consuming beer and hot dogs (and going to the gym). It's a bit unconventional, I know, and there is no science to back it up. But I am willing to be the proverbial "lab rat" on this new theory. It could be my one contribution to humanity.
So starting today, I'm going to be devoting my time to the bar, the dog place and the gym. I'm going to push myself and expand my capacity for each. I've set a high bar: By Sept. 15, I want to be able to bench press 250, run a 5K in 25 minutes, drink a twelve-pack and polish off a Three Dog night. If I can do this, I believe I'll be down to 200 pounds in no time.
I've got my work cut out for me, but I believe I'm up to the task. It will be lonely, hard work and I'll miss you. Remember, I'm doing all this for you. Love, Dad."
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