Saturday, January 13, 2007

DWG reports in from the lab

My doughy white dad guy reported in last night via email. His commitment to science is astonishing (that was a vocab word this week). Here's what he had to say:

"Son, I'm continuing to pursue the beer and hot dog diet. I cut out of work early today to go the tavern and drink beer. It's a long weekend and my thinking is that I should try to make the most of it in terms of consumption and exercise. I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos and drinking a Double Diamond at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. This is living. The only thing that concerns me is that there's only one other guy in the bar: another doughy white guy with a mullet who has had three Bud Lights in the time I've had one. Oh my, there was just a woman laying on a glass coffee table in lingerie, and the table collapsed underneath her. "That's a coffee table meant for lattes not hot-tays," the announcer just said. This stuff is hilarious.

"Anyway, son, I'm not sure this diet is making a difference. I'm still at 232 pounds - back where I was when I started. The good news in this, I guess, is that I can treat myself to a beer or three on a regular basis and not have to give up the blessed Yesterdogs...and it's not going to affect my weight. Hmmmm. On the other hand, maybe if I did give those up, I could get back on track. More to ponder.

"I miss you son. Take care of your sister, and I'll be in touch soon."