Monday, January 15, 2007

5 pounds and 12 steps later

Well, I'm back. Reality: Things didn't turn out so well with my experiment. I ended up in rehab following what I thought to be a major breakthrough. About six days into the lab/field work, I decided to try significantly increasing my alcohol and frankfurter intake, which in turn created a peristaltic reaction and allowed me to evacuate my dietary matter. With my abdominal content vacated, I was able to redouble my intake in a very short manner of time. This worked great on Friday, but Saturday was a long day with the bars opening early and Yesterdog having the 4 a.m. close. I don't remember much after those last four cheddar dogs.

When they checked me in, I heard the doctor mumbling something about "alcohol-induced binging and purging" and an orderly snickering, "He's certainly no Mary Kate Olsen." There was some confusion as to what unit I should be on, and what meetings I should attend. In the end, I think they really wanted to keep me away from the teenage girls. So instead they put me in an addiction unit, despite my protestations that the drinking and eating was just an experiment.

I did manage, though, to learn some interesting things. For instance, the path I'm on to lose weight is a circle and it really doesn't matter where I start. Also, my relationships with my family of origin and my current family have contributed to my weight (well, duh). Finally, I can't lose this weight alone, but there is an HP that can help me. Frankly, I'm not sure what a printer is going to do, but I'll try anything at this point.

Anyway, as part of my return from the field, I underwent a full physical today. My weight is up, my chloresterol is down, my blood pressure is on the high side, and my prostate is "very small," according to my doctor. He also said I probably have sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing in my sleep, but that I can cure that by losing weight or by hooking up to a ventilator. I have to say the ventilator idea is kind of cool, and I think you can win one of those things by collecting the bonus points from packages of Malboros or Winstons.

Bottom line: I'm back at it and will be trying to remember enough details from the last two weeks to submit my diet study to the ADA Journal. (DWG Current Weight: 237 lbs.)